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Horror Semester
Even Blind men write…
Most people do not realize the pain a writer endures when he had lost all reason write. I for a fact am struggling to recover from my lonely world of darkness. My miserable mortal shell of fraud contentment has long since showed signs of defeat. As apparent to anyone who had known me since time immemorial, I had never been like this. I was a spirited dreamer… Hopeful and filled with light. Exuberance filled my aura with a never-ending gush of ideas, which freely flowed out of my mind like a splashing cascade from a nearby fountain. Ideas forming within the tight confinements of my mind surges out like words flowing out of my unceasingly talking mouth. I was a mental parrot. Indeed, I was proud of myself. Of what I can do and of what I fearlessly mold myself to be. I thought I would forever stay this way. But alas! That was not to be…
If one believes harbored talents are never lost, then think again. One cannot know… It is impossible to know…You cannot fathom what it is like to grope in the blindness of eternal silence. Yes, Iam blind… By heart has gone blind and Deaf from all of the past obscurities my stirring world has wrought me. I ceased living in this world the moment I lost all meaning to write. Excruciating pain is what my rotting flesh cries out each new day that welcomes my face. I had lost all reason to be happy… I could never be happy now that I lost a vital part of me. Writing is my life… Its what pushes me to endure the sufferings that are cruelly flung on me. A Part of me was dead… cold... Desolate… empty…
Cheap University Papers on Horror Semester
Tragedy struck me blow by blow… I thought things would only get better after graduation. I was wrong. My Nightmares have only begun…
Owe it to my flagging immaturity. So, I've been scalded by my prematurely entering college without even thinking of what course really suited me. I damned myself. Moreover, I blinded my sights to grope on a future that remained as vague as Niburu's elliptical orbit to the Sun.
I disrupted the centrifugal balance of my solar system. I laughed on deeply crazed; schizophrenic as I tormented myself to accept the heinous blunders I caused my self to fall into. So what if I fell? My God! So what if I fell? Hello! Are you dimwit or something? Haven't your cortex realized by now how deep that is that scar you are slicing your wounds with? Blah, Blah, Blah! Iam ruddering myself to pointlessness.
Believe me when I say that even as I write, I cannot fully comprehend these minute factions my mind has endlessly depictured. He, He… I believe I'm enjoying this. Typing nonchalantly, letting my fingers slip silkily on the black square buttons of this keyboard is the welcomest sound I have heard for a long while. And I thought I had really lost myself? How did I even dare to think that? For once, my brainy conceptions have been soothing to hear once in a while. And yes, I'm back to that endless routine of mine. Shall I push myself to believe that things could only get any better? Hmm… I think it's too early to pinpoint that it already has… And yet it seems as though I really am kickstarting my motor.
Ahh! It has been a long time since I last wrote… I mean, really wrote… perhaps my poetic world missed me as much as I missed her… We haven't seen each other for a while though… Hmm..Where do we start? Actually, what I have in mind was to relay in clean germless precision every strained detail of the things I pondered on and well, ahem! Learned all the while I was fooling myself. (Now were getting serious…) How indeed have I flattered myself! For one minute, I was on top of them all. Waving and laughing at their noses practically sneering to the whole world my undying proclamation of how severely gifted Iam to have this deadly brain that endlessly slaves to do my purpose. My humility has lowered itself to that of a male chauvinist swine bag. I was good, or so I thought. One minute, I was the absolute limelight of the society… the next minute, I'm reduced to no more than an ugly, crude stereotype of Cinderella… (sighs!…) Just let me drive through my ocean of thoughts….
Really now! What sickened me is the fact that I let myself drown in this mess in the first place. My Mind leered that I could possibly accomplish every single task they would let me tackle with. I was too blind to notice that Iam not even as good as they are… and I thought that I was that good. So much for pain huh? All I knew at that time was I was a girl too good to be true. Except for Math, I could do almost everything with ease, or so I thought. I never thought the day would come when I finally would be forced to chew my own words… They told me experience is the best teacher.
Heck! It really did teach me a whole lot of things that I couldn't have learned at home. No matter how you seem to understand certain things that other people normally wouldn't, no matter how privileged you feel being able to understand these things easily, never PLEASE! Never even think that you are well ahead anybody else in the class. You and your classmates are made just the way you should be.
The fact that you know certain things or understand certain perspectives of your lesson does not mean that you'll go on silently lifting your head up every time you pass the corridors, fervently wishing that someone from your class would notice you and give you praises for several outstanding things you contributed for the class that day. Try to condition your mind to believe that you are the dumbest student in your class and that your classmates are far too superior for you to even attempt to compare your grades with them. If this doesn't work for you, (coz it does for me..) try feeling GENUINE humility every time someone gives you credit for what you have dutifully accomplished as a hardworking student. Were not working for someone to rain us praises here. Were working here to study and if you feel that you cannot keep up with your study mate's wit, try to console yourself that its only a matter of time before you reach her masterful potential. Remember that if one soul is really that passionate in obtaining his/her marks, that soul will really reach his glory. And when I mean glory, I mean GLORY!
Just this morning, I had been accompanied by my mother for enrollment. Upon seeing my name on the list of those students who were asked to report to our college, I never knew I was about to enter a big trouble. My heart knew how messy things would go for now. I never expected this to be so hard though. One moment, I was so damn confident that all is going to be fine… The next moment, I badly want to die…
See, I cursed myself. I was the one who brought these changes in my life. I was the one who brought chaos and universal disarray in myself. All the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Yun pala, maling mali ako…
I was wrong in every stupid thing that my mind had once declared logical. I wasn't at all smart. Smart people wouldn't commit the mistakes I had. Iam never smart. I was only a dumb little fool thinking that I understand things. I should've known better. The more you feel smart pala, the more that you will end up down diyan sa dirt na ginawa mo… I lost the humility I was once bursting off. Ngayon, everything changed na. Now this Florence is much more careful than ever. They say that experience is the best teacher? Well, I'd have to add that a little fiery sermon is a much-needed wake up call for all of us. It was only today that I realized that the attitude I conveyed to the whole universe declared as though I wasn't looking forward to any bright future. Although I do have my ambitions, but still, it had to be readily admitted that ambitions, no matter how reachable they may be cannot be gained without being vigorous in your persuasion. We, not only have to be optimistic. We also, must be futuristically conclusive of our actions. That we must never let ourselves go with the flow, for we cannot always be sure where that gushing stream may lead us. It is true when they say that inevitable is never cruel. But it cannot always be so gentle. The universal law is at work here. For whatever is planted is always gained three fold.
Looking in our innermost depths, we can see the real picture of our present personal stature. Always remember that though we can fool everyone by our calm bearing and seemingly pure motives, fool ourselves by believing that we are like this although deep down we know that we truly aren't, It wasn't them whom we fooled. It is us. We fool ourselves to believe in a bright future when we do nothing in order it to be made reality. We fool ourselves into thinking we can move people when we ourselves cannot be certain if we indeed have mastery over our own selves.
Walking fools we are, when we are inclined to believe that everything in this world can be solved with just one sitting. Everything that happens, be it good or bad, has it roots to our behavior. On how we act or behave in order for us to make the unreachable very much attainable. It had been months since I last wrote a literary piece. Months passed after I lost all meaning to write. Then I realized, that I never really did lose any of my former talents. That I was only deceived by my troubled mind in to thinking thus. In my confusion, I almost forgot to focus on a very essential fact that I should've known months ago. That Talents, are never lost. Though some may be gained through years of experience and careful practice, if there will come a time that all seemed to be lost in the thick void that seemed to eat you, remember, that they only slumber. Just like the phoenix who rises again and again from the gray ashes it had ignited itself upon, your true glimmer can only outshine when after the pain, the beauty that was once kept secret will finally prove its luster, to shine on and on for eternity…
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