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Friendship
What is friendship. Well according to Dinah Mculock Craik "Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words" (57).Everyone in life needs a friend, "A friend is someone who is there for you when everyone else walks out" -Len Wein.Interpersonal communication researcher Bill Rawlins developed a six stage model on how friendship develops the first stage is called role-limited interaction, the second stage is called friendly relation, the third stage is called moving toward friendship, the fourth stage is called nascent friendship, the fifth stage is called stabilized friendship and the final stage is called waning friendship (Wood 14).Other factors that build strong friendships are listening, attending, talking, and respect.We will also discuss how the movie Beaches portrays friendship.
The first stage in the six stage process is called role-limited interaction.Role limited interaction is when we meet a person at school or work we tend to talk about safe topics. We tend to rely on social roles, we do not want to scare the person away, so we talk about basic stuff.We do not get into deep personal conversations.
The second stage is friendly relation. Friendly relation is when each person sees if he or she has the same interests as the other person.If two people say they both like to play sports or watch movies, they have found a common interest.
The third stage is moving toward friendship. This stage is where the friendship gets personalized.This is where we could get into in depth conversations that are more personal.This is where we can start hanging out and doing more stuff together.This is the stage that lays down the foundation of the friendship.
The fourth stage is nascent friendship. This stage is marked by increased involvement and caring (Wood 15).This is the stage where the people start thinking of themselves as friends.This is where you start to develop rituals and patterns, like calling each other at certain times or doing certain things together.
The fifth stage is stabilized friendship.This stage is when the friendship is stabilized.Stabilized friends feel that they will see each other.They feel that they will always be able to hang out with each other without really even asking one another.Another major thing in this stage is trust, friends earn each others trust during this stage and they feel more comfortable revealing intimate information.
The sixth and final stage is waning friendships.This stage exists when both people are not committed to the friendship.This is the stage where friends drift apart because each of them have their own lives with different obligations.This is when their common interests are not the same, so their friendship is not as strong.Friendships may also end because it might be boring or the trust has been lost.
Listening is key in friendships.When a friend tells you a story he or she is usually asking for acknowledgement ("Cyberparent").Many conflicts may be avoided if friends take the time to listento each other and acknowledge each others feelings.Some key steps to listening and acknowledging are repeat back, don't invalidate, don't try to change, and problem solve.
Attending is another key aspect because it shows that you are there for that person.Attending means that your eyes, ears, body, and your feelings are all focusedon that person at one time.Attending includes being their physically, focusing, and eye contact.
Another key aspect to building a strong friendship is talking. When a friend talks and reveals ideas or feelings, he or she is expecting shared information in return. When the conversation is not equal, the person talking feels as if the listener is uninterested ("Cyberparent").If the people in the friendship cannot talk to each other or communicate very well, the friendship will not last.
Respect and equality are the last two factors to building a strong friendship.Respect is to show consideration for someone.If you do not have respect for your friend the friendship will not last.Equality is also very important because, without equality you cant have a close friendship.If you feel that you are better than your friend then your friendship cannot work because the friend will feel that he or she does not have any worth.
In the movie Beaches, starring Bette Midler, who plays C.C. Bloom, and Barbara Hershey, who plays Hillary Whitney, Essex displays a strong and everlasting friendship between two women who met in their youth.Both girls were from different sides of town. C.C. Bloom was a lower class girl who was trying to make it in show business and Hilary was an upper class girl who traveled around with her mother.But when they met for the first time on the beach there was something about the attraction that these two had with each other that kept them connected.After their first encounter they decided to stay friends by writing to each other. So years and years past and through every big and little event they experienced in their life they wrote about it to each other.They both grew but their love never changed.When they were older they finally decided to meet, and from then on their friendship grew stronger.C.C. was now a famous stage actress and Hilary was a lawyer.Their friendship did become a bit shaky when Hilary met C.C.'sdirector, John Pierce played by John Heard.John and Hilary hit it off butwhat Hilary did not know is that C.C. was longing for John.Most female friendships in my opinion end due to petty reasons like this one.But their friendship had some much time and effort put into it that they got past their egos and moved on. C.C. finally got John and Hilary eventuallymarried someone else.C.C was always envious of Hilary because she had what C.C. thought was the good life.But all good stories must come to an end and this one ends with Hilarygetting sick.She developssome kind cancer and C.C comes from New York to take care of her.They staywith each other for the summer and eventually Hilary passes away. C.C. takes on the responsibility of taking care of her daughter. Their friendship stays strongthroughout the movie and will last forever because their friendship will be held out through Hilary's daughter.
That movie was a perfect example of friendship in my eyes because it had the value of time to it.And I feel thattime is an essential part of friendship because with that you can build all the necessary things, such as trust, respect, love, and equality.C.C. Bloom and Hilary Essex both possessed these qualities and attributed them to their relationship.Out of all the movies I have watched I feel like this one represented what an ideal friendship should be.According to Allan Loy McGinnis "Women have more friends than men because men have been conditioned to avoid the openness and vulnerability of a friendship. Consequently, this behavior stunts their ability to have any close relationship, even with women. For the most part, mens friendships revolve around activities (an occasional tennis partner) while womens revolve around closeness" (8).
Friendship should be an everlasting bond between two or more people who feel a connection like a deep rooted bother- hood or sisterhood.Friendship is not something to be rushed into or taken for granted.Today people build friendships off of unstable grounds. People choose to develop friendships off of the surface, things such as having someone to go out with and party with, or someone who is in your life just to fill an empty space.In most cases, the transition from acquaintance to friendship occurs gradually. "We reach out to offerfriendship by offering a potential friend caring, listening, talking, sharing, accepting, and affirming. It takes time and effort to build a friendship.They are built slowly, slowly, slowly... Yet, nothing can add more to your life than having truly intimate friends Just friends is a goal worth pursuing (McGinnis 47).I believe and follow the rule that friendship should be based on the love for one another's character. With that you will be able to know who you are loving, trusting and sharing your life with. With the knowledge of character I am sure that any friendship you pursue will survive in satisfaction.
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