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The environment we live in and the people we know greatly shapes who we are.Everyday we experience something new
to add to this.Sometimes our experiences are minor, like meeting a nice person at school, and sometimes our encounters
are life changing how we view ourselves and our situations.I feel incredibly priveleged to have had the experiences I have
undergone.Perhaps the greatest impact on my life occured when I was a volunteer at the Childrens Hospital.
While I volunteered at the Childrens Hospital I met a lot of kids who really touched my heart.Every day it got harder to go
however when I knew all the suffering I would have to confront.I didnt know how to deal with this and it pained me to think of
leaving the children I had come to know and love.One day I noticed a new room on my list of stops.The whole way there
I was heavy hearted.All I could think of was how horrible it was that another child was afflicted, that another family was
suffering.By the time I got to the door I had summoned up enough courage to go in and face this child that was about to
challenge everything I thought I knew about pain.
I walked in the room with my head held high, a smile on my face and a spring in my step.I thought I was ready for what
awaited me on the other side of the door, but nothing I had seen had prepared me for this.All my courage quickly dissipated
as I gawked at the sight before me.In the middle of the stark white hospital room lay the frailest creature I had ever laid eyes
on.This little blonde angel was set before me in the cruelest fashion.Tubes and wires emanated from all over her fragile
body.Machines were everywhere beeping and whirring in time with her shallow breathing.But what really through me off
was in the midst of all this cold, antiseptic machinery came the softest , most beautiful smileto ever touch my heart.
And then the angel spoke.
Her name was Julia and she was only 10 years old.She wanted me to read to her from the Bible because she said it
gave her strength.At firstI was a little unsure that the child in front of me could understand something as complex as the
Bible, but as I started reading her smile got wider and the din of the machinery seemed steadier than before. It amazed me that with all she was going through her face still held a look of pure tranquility.
In th weeks to come Julia rarely spoke of her affliction, which I found to be leukemia. She said she preferred to dwell on the more positive aspects of her life, like her family that loved her very much, her books, and her religion. Julia mainly talked to me about God. Ive never been a very religious person but it gave me hope to hear her talk about God the way she did. Julia didnt hold a grudge against him for her disease, but actually said she was thankful for the chance to learn from it and be a better person because of it. She saw her battle with leukemia as a chance to improve her life, not destroy it.
I distinctly remember a conversation I had with Julia one beautiful, sunny afternoon.Her condition had improved enough
for us to sit and listen to the birds.At first our talk was light,just comments about the weather and one of her Aunts visiting
from out of town, but then out of the blue Julia looked at me in distress and said,Tiffany, do you think God plans for me to die
young?I didnt know what to say.In my experience at the hospital I had been fortunate enough not to have to deal first hand
with the death of a patient.And Julia had always been so optimistic about her condition that it never even occured to me that she
feared for her mortality.A million thoughts and worries swam in my mind, I had grown to love my little blonde angel.Losing
Julia was a pain I wasnt ready for.I looked up at her with tears in my eyes and simply said,Heaven is already full of angels,
I think God planned for you to be mine.We sat in silence for a long time, both of us contemplating the brevity of life.Deep down
we both knew how sick Julia really was and how the doctors were running out of treatments to try.All that was left was love and
prayer.I said good-bye on that visit realizing that it might be one of my last.
Julias condition didnt improve any in my following visits.She had this look in her eyes that she knew she didnt have much
time left.I saw this and I thought she stayed strong.This delicate little girl was stronger than anyone Ive ever encountered.
Eventually her parents decided it would be best for her to go under home care where she could be surrounded by family to make
her remaining time more comfortable.With this decision I knew Julia would soon pass away.
The last time I called on Julia I stood at her door remembering the first time I had passed through it and the initial shock I had
felt, and then I remembered her smile and everything was okay.Her smile overshadowed all the pain and suffering.I knew if she
could be so strong in her illness and the event of her passing, I could be strong in watching her go.I opened the door and entered
the same way I had on that first visit, my head held high, a smile on my face, and a spring in my step.
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